A Short Walk to the Bookshop Read online

  "She read a lot of pulpy-"

  "Mysteries," we said in unison.

  "My mom ended up with most of her library."

  Diedrich laughed "That must have been quite a collection to move."

  I remembered the many boxes of books and how they had dominated mom's living room for weeks until we found a thrift shop that would take them. I wondered if it would insult Diedrich to know that we hadn't kept them, and that the books he'd sold her were now for sale in an ill-kept bargain basement for ten cents each.

  "I would feel better if you allowed me to walk you home." He said suddenly, but with some apparent difficulty. "I don't mean to impose, but I wouldn't feel right sending a young woman into the night alone. Even in West Bend."

  I wished I could have told him that I was thirty and not as young as I once was and, really, I wasn't alone with Athena. But I wasn't that brave. And an escort home was what I had wanted all along.

  "I wouldn't want to bother you..." I said, hoping he would insist.

  "Really, I insist. People come flying down that street even at night and there's no sidewalk. Two people are easier to see than one."

  "Okay.." I tried to look hesitant, and fiddled with Athena's harness while he pulled on a wool coat and wrapped a scarf around his neck.

  “Didn’t you wear a coat?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder at me with a worried expression

  “No.” I hadn't expected the book club meeting to last two and a half hours, and hadn't prepared for a walk home in the cold. I was only wearing a jacket, no gloves, no coat.

  “I can run upstairs and grab another jacket if you want…” he offered.

  “Oh, no. No, that’s fine. Thank you though.” I gathered my jacket tighter around me as if to prove I wouldn’t get cold.

  "If you say so. Let's go." He said, smiling as he led the way down the road. He turned out to be right about people speeding on that road. The street was more or less dead during the day, but during rush hour the drivers all acted like they were late to their own wedding.

  "It's Friday night." Diedrich said as a car sped past us.

  "Yeah.." I mumbled, trying not to let my teeth clack together too loudly.

  "I mean, people are rushing into the city for drinks or what have you. That's why the street is treacherous."

  "Oh. Right. Yeah that makes sense."

  We lapsed into silence again and I tucked my arms closer against me, trying to keep them warm against the wind.

  "You should be going into the city for Friday nights too." He said after a time. I just laughed. No, there was no way. But he didn't know that.

  "God, you're freezing." His voice sounded so alarmed that I tore my eyes away from my feet to look up at him.

  "I'm okay," I said, but my teeth clattered together as I said it in a way that should have been comical.

  "Take my coat." He was already undoing the buttons.

  "No. No. Then you'll be cold."

  "It's no problem." He ignored me, starting to shrug off the coat.

  "Diedrich. Please." I panicked. Finally he looked at me. "I couldn't."

  He stared at me for a moment. We'd stopped walking.

  "Okay. If you say so. But here..." He slid the scarf off his neck and unfolded it. It was thick and knitted and, apparently had been folded in half to make it thinner but it unfolded into a sizeable wrap, which he draped over my shoulders. It was still warm from being wrapped around his neck and my shivering became less violent.

  "Compromise, hm?" He said.

  I nodded, pulling the scarf closer over my chest as we kept walking. Even the scarf was a little too much. I was already encroaching on his free time by making him walk me home. It was asking too much to take his clothes too. Even just a scarf. And it was hard to think of it was "just a scarf" when I was now wrapped in the warmth and scent of his neck. Far too intimate. I shivered again.

  I was sending the wrong impression. I chanced a glance at him out of the corner of my eye. He wasn't looking at me, thankfully. He'd said he had delivered books to my grandmother. So it could be that he went out of his way for people often enough that walking me home wouldn't stand out in his mind. Maybe he was just nice.

  In my experience, men were rarely nice for no reason.

  I wanted to give the scarf back, but that would probably just upset him. It would be awkward. And anyway, I could see the lights in my kitchen window from the top of the hill already. I just had to make sure that he didn't walk away with the impression that I was flirting with him.

  I wouldn't let him in. Even though it was cold, and it was just as dangerous for him to make the walk back alone as it would have been for me to walk home alone. I'd give him his scarf back and send him away on the doorstep. I'd say goodbye instead of goodnight. Goodnight implied sleeping which implied beds which implied sex. Goodbye was more formal. I'd say thanks, though.

  "You should have come to grandma's funeral." I said, growing restless with the way he fell into silence so easily

  He scoffed gently.

  "Really. I'm sure she appreciated you walking all this way to bring her books.

  "I only knew Beverly. I'd never met any of her family. I wouldn't have known anyone."

  I couldn't help a small smile. I'd never met a man as shy as him.

  "I was there in spirit," he added on as an afterthought.

  "Okay," I smiled.

  He looked embarrassed but, damn it, he was embarrassed no matter what I said. Painfully shy.

  Still, it was a relief, in a way. His silences made me antsy, but not as antsy as constant talking would have done. He seemed comfortable enough when it was quiet. I was the one who was rushing to think of things to say to fill the void. I thought to myself, maybe it was best just to let it be.

  "Did you move here from Seattle?" He asked, nearly making me jump.

  "Oh. No. I moved from Texas."

  "Texas?" he asked, head jerking towards me.

  "Are you shocked?" I laughed.

  "I am. God, I can't imagine. That's quite a move to make on your own."

  "Well, the house was empty..." I said, looking ahead at the house that was coming up now

  "Oh right. Yes, of course. It's just hard to imagine anyone moving to West Bend at all, let alone from so far away," he said

  "You weren't born here either," I stated, alluding to the faint accent that colored his speech every so often.

  "Fair point," he nodded.

  "You moved here from..." I prompted

  "Germany. When I was a teenager."

  "That's farther than Texas."

  "A bit," he laughed. "Though perhaps no more foreign than Texas to this place." He tilted his head back to look at the tops of the trees and the starry sky between them.

  "Maybe," I said quietly.

  Then we were in front of my house. He stopped at the walkway, but I didn't notice he'd stopped until I was a few steps further. When I noticed, I stopped short and turned around.

  He did think I was flirting. He didn't want to encourage me by walking me up to my door. It was too like a date. My face flushed, but I was pretty sure that the darkness hid it.

  "Thank you," I said.

  "It's no problem."

  "You say that a lot," I chuckled.

  He shrugged

  "Goodnight," He said.

  I nodded, turned, and hurried inside. Athena pushed in through my legs and ran into the house in front of me, quickly doing her routine of going into every room and turning on lights. I closed the door quickly behind me so that Diedrich wouldn't see her doing it. It would give too much away.

  A moment later I noticed I was still wearing his scarf. With a gasp, I ripped it off of me and, after only a moment of hesitation where some part of my subconscious mind considered keeping it, I threw open the door and ran down the walkway.

  "Diedrich!" He'd already began walking back.

  "Hm?" he looked wary as he turned around to face me. I held out the scarf.

  "Oh. Thank you," he s
aid, retracing his steps to retrieve it.

  Back inside, I vowed to never stay at the bookshop later than sunset again.

  The grocery store was just opening when I walked in days later. I was still groggy from my late night but the morning air had helped to make me feel alive again. Instead of walking right up to the woman at the register as had been my plan, I noticed that she was still counting her till and so I wandered aimlessly through the aisles for a while, pretending to shop.

  Finally, I meandered up to the register, gripping Athena's lead with one hand and shoving the other one in my jacket pocket. My mother had been telling me for a couple weeks now that I didn't need to worry about getting a job right away. I honestly couldn't tell if she meant it or if she kept bringing it up because she actually did want me to get a job right away. The house was old, but well insulated and maintained so the bills weren't too high. I had a bit of savings and mom was helping too. But I needed to get a job. I wanted to get a job. I wanted to feel like a functional member of society again. I wanted to make friends.

  I tried to remember all this as I began to sweat as I approached the familiar woman at the register.

  "Good morning!" She greeted me with a yellow but endearingly wide smile. Her big frizzy hair bobbed in it's ponytail.

  "Hey," I said with a smile. Her name was Paula, I knew from her name tag. "Uh...I was just wondering if I could get an application? Or something?"

  I licked my lips and focused on maintaining eye contact to look less nervous.

  "You've got perfect timing!" she said. "Let me take you up to Heather. One of our girls is set to have her baby any time now and we will be needing someone."

  I followed her up a flight of narrow stairs to what must have been the break room, judging by the out-of-place picnic table and whirring refrigerator. Off to the side there was another door which she knocked on.

  "Heather?"

  "Come on in, Paula!"

  "This young lady is asking for an application. I thought, with Allison getting ready to take leave.."

  Heather was a tall, thick woman with tightly curled brown hair. She smiled as she stood up from behind her desk, but she looked stressed. Judging by Paula's demeanor, it was plain that Heather was the owner, and her authority was the guiding force of the entire enterprise.

  "Oh good! Perfect! Thanks Paula," she said, by way of dismissal. Paula thumped me kindly on the back before scurrying back out of the office, leaving me stranded.

  "I've got the applications around here somewhere..." She said, shuffling through the many papers on her desk.

  When she handed one over I made to leave the room but she stopped me.

  "Actually, if you've got time, could you fill it out now? I got a call from Allison just this morning, she might be leaving sooner than we thought. When would you be able to start?"

  "What? Oh. Yeah. Sure. Um...Monday?" I said, off balance. It was Saturday.

  "Good, good. Here, you can use my desk, I've got to run downstairs."

  And she was gone. The clock above the door ticked deafeningly as I sat down on the swivel chair that felt like it wasn't screwed all the way in. Athena settled in at my feet and I filled out the application, all the while wondering what Diedrich was doing across the street at the bookshop.

  When Heather returned a few minutes later, just as I was signing the last sheet of paper, she took it from me and quickly scanned it.

  "Alright. You've worked a register before?"

  "Yeah. I worked at Macy's."

  "Can I go ahead and interview you now? I need this position filled as soon as possible and there aren't other applications."

  "Yeah. Okay," I said, this was too easy. A trickle of anxiety went down my spine and I wished this office had a window to the outside.

  When she pulled out a folding chair from behind the door, I stood up to take it and she settled back into the swivel chair.

  As she began to ask me questions, my phone pinged.

  "Sorry. I wasn't expecting an interview. Let me turn it off." I pulled it out and saw a text from my mom that just said to call her. That trickle came back, but I silenced my phone and put it away.

  "I see you have a service dog. Will accommodations need to be made for you or her?"

  I swallowed. "Not really. She's been trained essentially since birth for her job. She will stay near me."

  Heather regarded Athena for a while, who was laying at my feet.

  "I can provide her training certificate and papers..."

  Heather looked back up at me. "I don't think that will be necessary. She seems very...under control. As far as other people wanting to play with her, kids I mean, that will be up to you to field."

  "Sure. Of course."

  "Well, Sparrow." She said, hesitating for a moment just before my name, as if she had already forgotten it. "It's rushed, but we've got a special situation here, as you know. Do you think you can come in on Monday for training and we can get you to work right away?"

  "Yes!" I exclaimed. "Yeah. I can definitely do that."

  Heather smiled and stood up, looking like she'd just remembered something else she needed to do. She reached out for my hand and shook it.

  "See you then."

  "Thank you."

  I was halfway across the street to the bookshop when I remembered mom's text. I pulled out my phone as I walked in, waving to Diedrich.

  "Coffee?" He asked.

  I nodded as I dialed my mom. "Yup. I just got a job. Talk in a sec, OK?"

  He nodded silently and went to the coffee maker.

  The phone rang only once before my mom answered.

  "Hey."

  "Have you been on facebook?" She asked without preamble. I shifted my purse on my shoulder. That trickle was back again, and this time even Athena noticed, she whined and motioned me towards the couch.

  "No. Of course not. I'm not online anywhere. You know that." I glanced at Diedrich, wondering if this conversation needed to be had in private.

  "There's a new account that just tried to friend me. It's your picture and your name."

  "What?" My stomach flipped and my voice grew thin and high.

  "Do you think it's him?"

  "I don't know who else it would be, mom. It's not me. He sent you a message?" I knew I sounded hysterical, so I lowered my voice even though it was made no difference. In a shop this size and this quiet, I could whisper something under my breath in World Religions and be heard all the way in Large Print.

  "Okay. It's okay. I will call Officer David and see what he thinks we should do."

  "He's not going to do anything, Mom," I said with finality in my voice.

  "Still, he should know. I’ll call him. Don't worry, alright? I wouldn't have even told you except I needed to know if it was really you."

  "I'll try not to."

  "Are you okay?"

  I took a slow breath. "I got a job today."

  "Oh honey. That's wonderful. But don't push yourself too hard, okay?"

  "I won’t. I’m excited. I gotta go, mom."

  "I love you."

  "You too. Bye." I hung up, shoving my phone in my pocket determinedly, despite the overwhelming urge to download Facebook to see this fake account with my name and face.

  "New job, huh?" Diedrich smiled, handing me a hot cup of coffee. I wrapped my hands around it reflexively even though I was uncomfortably hot after that phone call.

  "Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, across the street."

  "Oh! The grocery store?"

  "Some other girl is pregnant and about to pop apparently. I went in for an application and walked out with a job."

  "Sparrow, are you alright?" He asked, his brows furrowing and his head tilting slightly to the side.

  Looking down into my coffee I saw that it was rippling in the cup. I tried to force my hands to stop shaking but I couldn't.

  "Yeah, I'm fine. I think it's just adrenaline." I laughed. It wasn't entirely a lie.

  "Well I'm happy for you. Congratulations."
r />   I had meant to come into the shop to relax after the stress of filling out the application. I hadn't intended on the morning being as stressful as it had turned out, and now my feelings were inappropriately large for the small space. I sipped the coffee through tight lips as I meandered through General Fiction and counted the moments before I had been there long enough to leave without being rude.